so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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