dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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