I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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