Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
