I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Welp...herpes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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