I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
