it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
