I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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