My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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