You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
