I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
