Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
