Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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