Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
