If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
