the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
