yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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