So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
