ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
