Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
