I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
