you have to choose: penises or morals?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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