I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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