I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
