The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
