Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
