and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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