My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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