with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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