you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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