Me too!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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