Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
