Pappa wants mamma naked
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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