Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
