He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i came on her dog
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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