How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
