I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
