I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
