well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
