his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
