Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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