he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
