Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
