things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
