do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
