the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
