this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
