Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize