he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
