By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
