You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
