U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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