They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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