But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
