If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
