Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
