Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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