his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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