Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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