GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
