just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
