fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
