you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
