i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
