your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
