Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
