but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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