you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
People in love make me want to vomit
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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