i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
