she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
