i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
