you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
