Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i believe in u and ur pee
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
