In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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