If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
