After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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