"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
