Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
