its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
