sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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