You're my little dorito
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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