Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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