if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
