I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
