She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize