I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
