You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
