I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
