if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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