STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
