my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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