well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
