Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
