Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
