id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
