My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
