Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
